My Metaphoric Prozac aka Lily
by nymphondratonks
Summary: I'm baaack. There is a normal necessary prologue, and then the story erupts into complete maddness, including stumpy carrots, slimy noodles, swearing in french, and other random humor. L/J SB/OC RL/OC. Read and Review at your own risk, muggles.
1. Short Prologue

Lily Evans always knew she was different, but couldn't seem to put her finger on exactly what made her so. There was always her vivid red hair, which stood out starkly against the bland surroundings or Privet Drive. Or perhaps, it was the fact that she had a personality, unlike so many of her dull neighbors. Or maybe, it was something else…

One dreary evening, just as the sun sank behind the outline of dozens of identical houses, Lily heard an uproar coming from the kitchen downstairs.

Fearing the worst, she descended the stairs, only to find her sister crouched below a kitchen table screaming her lungs out and cowering away from a large barn owl now situated on a chair. Lily took note of the slightly amused expressions on her parents' faces, before they realized their error and knelt to comfort the distraught Petunia.

Lily, in a surge of courage, walked over to the bird, which stuck its legs out on which a letter had been attached bearing her name. She tentatively broke the seal and began reading the letter.

"Er… mom?" she said, handing over the letter.

"…"

After in interesting yet confusing afternoon, the Evans family finally concluded that no, this was not some kind of sick joke, and yes, Lily was indeed a witch. They decided to purchase Lily's supplies the next morning at this Diagon Alley.

The next day, an excited Lily, clutching her Hogwarts letter, set out with her mother in search of the Leaky Cauldron. Upon spotting the Grubby Pub, Lily walked over to the kindly looking bartender.

"Uh, sir?" she inquired, "Could you tell me-" but she was interrupted.

"Ah, Hogwarts I'm sure?" he said with a slight twinkle in his eye as he glanced at the letter in her hands.

Lily felt relieved. She wasn't crazy after all…

"Yes, if you could show me to Diagon Alley?" He nodded and let mother and daughter out a back door and to a brick wall, which he tapped with a long stick in a few places. The bricks began folding back, creating an arch for them to walk beneath. An entire busteling town lay beyond, just waiting to be explored.

After getting over their initial shock, the pair decided to split up. Lily decided to head over to Flourish and Blott's first, since she was an extremely passionate reader. As she attempted to enter the shop, she ran head-on into something very solid. She and said object fell to the floor in a tangled mass of limbs.

Finally looking up, Lily saw a boy her age with unruly black hair and round glasses that covered surprised hazel eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I-" The boy broke off as he glanced at her for the first time. A slight blush crept up his cheeks and she felt her own face warm up as well. The boy staggered to his feet and quickly extended his hand to help her up.

"Thanks. I'm Lily Evans" She told him politely, if not a little cautiously. He looked a bit daft to her, staring with his mouth slightly agape.

"Uhh- P-Potter," was about all he could manage.

"Just Potter?" Lily asked teasingly, "Well Potter it is then."

And thus began the story of Lily and James.


	2. A Stubby Carrot?

AN: So. I definitely love writing humor so you can expect me to keep this story up. It should be fairly long by the end. Yeah the chapters are short, but I'm just getting started so I'll work my way up. Reviews are very welcome!

"So Jamsie, tell me. Why exactly are we cuddled up together under the teacher's desk in the Astronomy tower at midnight? I mean, not that I can blame you, but I did have offers from at least three other girls to come up here, and I must say, none of them were quite so hairy or ugly as you.," Sirius spoke from the floor as he flicked his black hair out of his sparkling grey eyes, and in the process almost breaking his best friend's nose with the back of his head.

"Ouch! Damn it Sirius. I already told you. Lily has a study date," insert quotey fingers here, "with that Michael fellow for astronomy but I think he might have things other than Mars and Uranus on his mind," James whispered in a hushed tone.

"Well yeah-" Sirius practically yelled, "Why would he have any interest in _my_ anus?"

He quieted slightly with a quick "Shh!" from James.

He continued, "Unless he swings that way, but once again, can't blame him. I am gorgeous." He struck a model pose, striking James in the nose again in the process.

"Damn it Sirius! Once more and I won't be beautiful anymore and Lily will never love me."

"Aww, don't feel that way Prongsie, she wouldn't like you even if your nose _weren't_ hideous… unless you had my nose, of course. That little bit of sexy would be enough to compensate for even your large head, scrawny legs, big ears, stupid glasses AND hideously ugly nose."

"…"

"…"

"…thanks Padfoot."

"It's what I'm here for, buddy," he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder, narrowly avoiding punching him in the face for a third time.

"You know, no one even uses that line about Uranus anymore."

"Pssh, I-" Sirius started but was cut off.

"Shh! I hear them coming!"

A faint voice was heard from just outside the room, "Thanks so much for helping me, Lily. I'm dreadful at Astronomy," Michael said in a fake helpless voice.

James could see only Lily's slim legs from where he sat, but could imagine her giving him a dazzling reassuring smile.

"That's alright Michael, we can work on it." They settled down to work.

5 minutes went by…

_Didn't this guy get an 'O' on his Astronomy O.W.L.? Good God, he's acting slow._

10 minutes…

_Wow, he breathes heavily… wait, is he getting turned on by hearing her talk?! That's MY thing!_

30 minutes…

_I never thought he could pull it off, but Sirius looks smashing with braids…_

45 minutes…

_Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun… BATMAN!_

46 ½ minutes…

"As you can see, Uranus is barely visible and it takes a little extra effort to see it," Lily said.

Sirius looked over, obviously itching to say something. Apparently, he wasn't the only one.

"How much effort would it take to get a gander at your anus, Lily?" Michael said while draping his arm lazily over her small shoulders.

"…"

_Is he really that stupid?_

"…"

A series of things happened in that next moment. Michael crumbled to the floor in immense pain, while Lily stood over him, looking ready to kick him again. Sirius let out a whoop of joy at upon hearing his bad joke used by someone other than himself.

"I told you so James!"

He pumped his fist victoriously in the air, punching James in the face yet again an attracting the attention of an already put-out Lily.

"Oops."

"BLACK, POTTER?!" she yelled, "What the hell are you doing here?" She didn't look too happy.

"She doesn't look to happy, Prongs," Sirius whispered to James.

"Me?" James said innocently, ignoring Sirius' obvious comment, "I'm just looking out for your well-being. I just Knew this creep would try something," he continued in his defense.

Lily looked even more perturbed by this, "Oh you did, did you? So you think that I can't handle myself, Potter?" She began advancing towards the two terrified boys with an evil glint in her emerald eyes.

Both boys were backed away in fear, but were caught between an angry redhead and a thick castle wall.

"Help."

The next day at breakfast, the school was shocked to see the two most popular boys enter the Great Hall hand in hand.

James and Sirius stalked over to the table where Remus and Peter were already seated.

"Lily?" Remus asked with a knowing look in his blue eyes.

Both boys nodded curtly.

"I told you not to get in her way…" he said.

Remus was a tall lanky boy with light brown hair and a slightly sickly look about him. This, however, did nothing to deter the female population. They found his studious, book-loving, reserved self very attractive indeed.

At that moment, Lily decided to grace the hall with her presence, looking rather satisfied as she sat down next to Remus, looking at Sirius and James innocently.

"Now about our deal…"she said mysteriously.

Both boys sighed before standing on top of the table and looking around the hall. Every eye turned to them.

James reluctantly began, "I here and now proclaim my undying love for Severus Snape," then gestured to the staff table at Professor McGonagall, "Minnie darling, it would never have worked out between us."

There was an awkward pause before Sirius started. "Although my immense physical attraction to males (especially James) prevents us from being together," he gestured at their still-clasped hands, "I would like the whole world to know that my heart belongs to Matilda Matchbook." He looked horrified at his own words.

Their hands immediately unstuck and the Hall applauded, while one horribly ugly Ravenclaw by the name of Matilda began sprinting towards her new admirer. Sirius quickly stunned her. Snape shot James a dirty look.

Lily noticed this and was quick to comment. "Well I could be wrong Potter, but I do believe that Severus is either very angry (unlikely of course), very constipated, or incredibly turned on."

James looked at her in horror.

"I'm guessing it's a combination of the last two judging by his face." she said pleasantly.

James and Sirius sank down into their seats and attempted to have a peaceful breakfast.

Seconds later, Lily's two best friends entered the hall.

Adelle Baker was of medium height and had long luxurious dark brown hair and piercing nearly black eyes. She had pale skin with some almost unnoticeable freckles and a spunky attitude. She was naturally intelligent with a quick wit and tongue.

Clearly the most sarcastic out of the three, she was greatly admired by the boys at the school but was usually too much for them to handle.

Lily's other friend, Courtney Darthbrook, had lighter brown hair and striking blue-purple eyes. She was sweet and kind-hearted, as well as very dedicated to school.

Like her friends, Lily was intelligent and beautiful, as much as she liked to deny it. The three made a strange trio but were the closest of friends.

"I hear a congratulations is in order, Potter," Adelle said as she helped herself to some bacon.

He looked at her blankly.

"Heard you got into Black's pants. Of course, you're just one of dozens, so it's not a real big thing is it? But Black," she turned her attention to Sirius, "wow, Potter? We were beginning to think him unattainable. Nice one."

"Except for Lily of course." James added.

Lily and Sirius both glared. He and Adelle were always bickering.

"You keeping track, Baker? I know you want me, but really, is that necessary? Are you one of the next in line?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Eww- I'd rather join a nunnery." She promptly rolled up the Daily Prophet and hit him with it.

"Hey Potter," Lily asked, "Why is your nose three times its usual size?"

James took the Prophet from Addie and smacked Sirius in the nose. Sirius merely cocked his head to the side and stated, "Kind of looks like a radish, don't you think?"\

Lily squinted her eyes, "…Nope, that is definitely a potato."

"Maybe a stumpy carrot," Courtney suggested.

James turned his back on the group like a child.

Professor McGonagall, a middle-aged witch with dark hair, began passing out class schedules, which took an exceptionally long time for 6th years, since they had to discuss which O.W.L.S. had been passed.

The marauders (minus Peter) and Lily 'n the gang had all passed most of their O.W.L.S., so they ended up taking the same classes.

"Same classes with Lily? YESS!" James exclaimed enthusiastically, pumping his fist in the air, then hearing a loud crack behind him as he caught his unsuspecting best friend smack dab in the nose.

AN: Ideas would be appreciated, as would reviews.


	3. 33 step guide to success!

AN: SO thanks to my reviewers… all three that is. I know it's a slow start but it'll get better I hope.

so thanks: lily-james123 and xXJPLEXx for the encouragement. And thanks to IAMaMUDBLOOD for some great ideas.

P.S. this chapter isn't funny at all. But it's a necessary chain of events.

The first class of the day was potions, which Lily always looked forward to. She was one of the best students and a great favorite of Professor Slughorn.

As the group entered the classroom, the Professor's voice boomed, "Ah, Lily m' girl! Long time no see."

"Hello, Professor. How was your break?" she asked politely. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sirius mimicking her eagerness. She gave him a stare and James quickly slapped him.

"It was very relaxing, thank you. I trust you'll be attending our little get-together tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it." she replied somewhat unenthusiastically.

"And how about you Mr. Potter? Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin?

Sirius put a regretful smile on his face. "Sorry, Professor, but I have to deep-condition my hair. No one can look this good naturally, you know." He gave a fake little chuckle.

"Ah, of course, dear boy. Must keep up appearances for the ladies eh?"

Sirius shot an obvious look over at Adelle, who in turn rolled her eyes.

Remus said, "I need to get ahead on my work."

Slughorn turned to James with a hopeful look on his face.

"I'll be there. Could never let Lily go alone, you know," he said with a charming smile on his face.

"That's m' boy! I'll see you at about 7:00 tonight then." He made his way to the front of the classroom.

"Settle down, Settle down. Now, as is my tradition, we are going to be making a potion today and the student with the best potion will receive a little bottle of a custom-made potion. You're choice. So let's get started, then."

After an hour and a half of slaving away, Lily's potion had reached the precise forest-green color that was necessary for it to properly work. With dismay, she glanced over at James' potion only to see that it was the exact shade as hers.

Slughorn came around to judge making an occasional comment or criticism. When he reached Lily's potion, he let out a gleeful sound.

"Here we are! Very very good Miss Evans. 10 point to Gryffindor!" he exclaimed.

He moved on to James' and let out another happy cry. "Oh ho! It seems as if we have two winners today. 10 more points to Gryffindor-" James shot Lily a triumphant grin, "Now if you two will just stay afterward and tell me which potion you would like me to brew for you…"

The rest of the class shuffled out, and Adelle and Courtney said that they would meet her in Transfiguration.

"So, what will it be?" Slughorn asked them pleasantly.

Lily immediately knew what she wanted. "Would it be too much trouble to ask for a bottle of Felix Felicis?"

Slughorn grinned. "Of course not. I have a bottle back in my stores. And what would you like, Mr. Potter?"

"Well I was thinking just a standard pain-relief potion," he said, rubbing the back of his head nervously. Lily was surprised. She thought he would have wanted a babbling beverage or love potion or something of that nature.

"Of course, of course. I'll be back in a few minutes with the potions from my stock," Slughorn said as he left the room.

Silence.

"SOooo..." James said.

"What?"

"Just trying to make friendly conversation… Will you-"

"NO I will NOT go out with you Potter, for the last time!"

"…I was just going to ask if you were bringing Adelle or Courtney to Slughorn's get-together tonight." he said a bit awkwardly.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well I am."

"Bringing Adelle or Courtney?"

"Yes. Courtney has a study session tonight but Adelle's up for it, I'm sure. I wouldn't want to be stuck with you all night," she spit, trying to recover from her embarrassment.

"Maybe Sirius will actually decide to come, then. He really was serious about the hair thing, though. He does it once a week."

Lily snorted unflatteringly. "I'm not surprised, somehow."

Just then, Slughorn returned with two small bottles in his hands.

"Here you go," he said merrily, "I will be seeing you two tonight then!"

Lily and James started towards the Transfiguration room with a note from Slughorn excusing their tardiness.

"So, what's the pain-reducing potion for?" Lily asked as they ascended the stairs.

"Er- It's just good to have in handy, you know?" He tried. He couldn't tell her that it was for Remus after his transfigurations. Not yet atleast.

"Oh come on Potter. I can tell when you're lying."

"It's not my place to say anything," James told her as he sped up his pace, trying to avoid any more questions.

Just as they neared the classroom and he was about reach for the doorknob, she put her hand on his to stop him.

"Please."

Then, she gave him the look. Yes, _that_ look; the one all females have and use to get whatever they want.

James sighed. Truth be told, Remus had wanted to tell Lily long ago. It was for James' own selfish reasons that he had stopped Moony from telling. He did want her spoiling their once-monthly fun.

Lily and Remus had always gotten on quite well, and he wanted to do some research with her about ways to ease the pains of transformations, her being the brilliant witch that she was.

He had, in fact, given James permission to tell her whenever he was ready. Now was as good a time as any.

"Come on," she prompted, "The note from Slughorn's already written. Why not put it to good use?"

He looked at her and saw something that resembled genuine concern in her eyes, something he had never seen before; well, not towards him atleast.

This being a completely new experience, James decided to give in.

"Okay. Let's just go somewhere more private."

She raised her eyebrow slightly.

"I just don't want anyone to hear alright?"

Lily followed him without question, completely thrown by this serious side of him.

They walked up many flights of stairs to the astronomy tower which was completely deserted since it was only used at night.

James took a seat on a wide window ledge and Lily did the same.

"There's a reason that Remus disappears mysteriously once a month, you know," James started.

"I thought his mum was ill."

"That's just the cover story. When he was younger, he was playing in the woods behind his house and he-.. well, he was bitten."

A look of confusion passed over Lily's face…

"By a werewolf."

..and then it completely vanished, only to be replaced by an unreadable expression. He hoped she would still be friends with him after this.

Her eyes began to tear up a bit and she looked quite distraught.

_Ok.. maybe this wasn't such a hot idea…_

He really thought that of all people, she would have accepted Remus most.

"So, He's a werewolf but he still goes to our school? What about the possibility of someone getting hurt?..."

_Uh-oh._

"I mean, that poor boy. He has to live his life with the fear that he could really hurt someone. I can't even see how he manages it all. How horrible..." She started crying a little.

_Well, that was unexpected. I knew I loved her…_

…And he really did.

_She still looks hot when she's upset… how amazing…_

"I'm sorry I kind of forced you to tell me. I'm guessing that the pain reliever is for him after transformations?" She inquired.

"Yeah, he always gets some from Madam Pomfrey, but sometimes the time it takes to walk from the forest to the hospital wing is too long. Since I'm already with him, I can give it to him immediately after."

_That's so sweet,_ she thought to herself- _WAIT…_

"And why exactly are you with him? Isn't there a possibility that you'll get bitten," she asked him suspiciously.

"OH- errm. Well- funny story actually. See, I'm an Animagus," he said nervously.

"…WHAT?!"

"And so are Sirius and Peter."

"WHAAT?!"

"Well, we go along to keep him in line. Keep him from hurting people, you know?"

She looked thoughtful, "Well you aren't registered then are you?"

"Uh well no. But it makes it so much easier for him. so.. yeah."

_And I'll bet she hates my guts again. She's a stickler for rules, _he thought.

"That's actually…," she started (_here it comes, _he thought), "…kind of sweet." She looked shocked at her own words.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you said that to me," he said, as if reading her mind. "Err- shall we go to class then?" she asked him

He nodded, "I suppose, but Minnie cant be too happy with me after I revealed our steamy love affair to the whole school at breakfast this morning," he said, getting up from the ledge and following her towards the hall. "Thanks again for that," he said sarcastically.

She laughed. "Any time. Really."

Finally, they approached the classroom door, and once again, just as he reached for the doorknob, she felt the need to stop him.

She laid her hand gently on him, ignoring the tingling sensation that was shooting up her arm. _What the heck? It's just James,_ she though. _I mean POTTER,_ she scolded herself.

"What's your form?" she asked him quietly.

"A stag."

Immediately, she began coughing and turning red in the face, seemingly and embarrassingly choking on her own spit. For the past few years, she had been having a recurring dream about a stag showing up and saving her in her dream whenever she was having a nightmare. But she definitely wasn't about to tell James that.

"Uhm- are you alright?" he asked concernedly.

"Yes yes, just fine," she said very quickly. Maybe a little too quickly…

A few seconds later, when she had recovered, she said softly, "Thank you James."

Realizing her hand was still on his, she snatched it away, turning very _very_ red again, then opened the door to the classroom and walked inside.

_James???..._

"She called me James!!" he yelled incredibly loudly, for the whole world to hear. A few students in neighboring classrooms stuck their heads out to see what all of the commotion was about, and in a matter of seconds, a few students had started-

_The slow clap…_

Eventually, it turned into a roar of applause and cheering, and Sirius could be seen standing on top of his desk jumping up and down like a mad man.

"Well done!" he yelled to James, "That's step one in my 33 step guide to success with girls. Get them to call you by your given name! You, my friend, are well on your way to becoming just like me. You are one lucky bloke!" Sirius finished.

James then scanned the room for Lily, and spotted her in the corner of the classroom, looking like a giant tomato about to burst. He feared that she would never EVER call him by his first name again, much less talk to him…

AN: Sorry for the wait. Microsoft word kinda crashed on our computer. Anywho… Reviews would be lovely. And would encourage me to update even sooner.

I actually had this chapter written the day after the first was posted but like I said.. stupid computer.

So review. But no flames please. I love _constructive_ criticism. Key word constructive. And ideas.


	4. She ran into a door?

An: So yeah. Eh, thanks to my uno reviewer. The Fiffth Marauder. You're awesome. Anyway, i do love reviews.. and it kind of engourages me to write. So if you want it to be a long story, be sure to tell me so becuase i dont want to have to quit on this one like i did my other ones.

"Don't even THINK about coming near me, Potter," Lily shouted behind her.

"Ahh- back to Potter now are we?" James asked, regaining his old arrogant attitude. "Come on, Evans."

He had no clue where she was going, and apparently neither did she, but out of rage, she just kept walking. She only stopped when she reached a dead end, realizing that James was still walking towards her. She went against her instinct and looked into the eyes of the advancing figure. What she saw was a mix of things... Determination? Lust? Something else? She couldn't tell, but whatever it was, it caused her to back away from him slowly until her back hit the wall.

A few long strides later, he had caught up with her and trapped her against the wall.

"Let me go!" she spat, her eyes burning with anger.

"No."

"Ja-POTTER! You are so-..." She couldn't seem to find word so settled with letting out a frustrated yell.

"Lily, look at me."

She really didn't want to, but accidently let her eyes drift up towards his face, then was unable to look away.

"You can't tell me you haven't felt a thing when we're together," James said. Her heart was beating at an incredible rate and she could feel his warm breath on her neck as she finally looked away from him.

"I mean- just forget about the fact that you supposedly hate me for a second. We can.. get around that eventually. But Lily, tell me you didn't feel a thing when you touched my hand. Tell me you don't feel the air practically crackling with tension right now."

"I-I don't-" she said in what she thought to be a confident voice. She thought she saw his face fall slightly, but then he recovered.

"You're lying," he said simply. He reached up to touch her cheek and she shivered slightly, inadvertently leaning into his touch.

"Lily, you _have _to feel it," he said, looking down at her.

"I don't feel a _thing, _Potter." She wrenched herself from his grasp and ran as quickly as she could back to her dorm.

James stood there for a few minutes with his head in his hands before slowly dragging himself up to Gryffindor tower, as well.

It had been about a week since term had started and Lily had not spoken to James since their last "meeting." She couldn't help but notice a change in him, however. He was much more quiet than usual and sometimes, he seemed to be in another world. She almost felt- sorry for him? Couldn't be. Well, maybe she had been a bit harsh.

_Enough about Potter!_ she told herself. She was in the library for a bit of light reading ( If a 2,000-page book is indeed considered light reading). She felt someone come up and sit next to her. She hated to break focus from her book, but reluctantly looked up, hoping that it wasn't Potter.

Instead, though, she saw Adrian Roberts, a 7th year Ravenclaw and also Head boy.

For this, she could bear to tear her eyes away from her precious book. Besides the Marauders, Adrian was one of the most popular guys in school, just in a different way than James and Sirius were. He was intelligent, good-looking, and witty. The 20 of the female population that wasn't in love with one of the marauders was crushing heavily on Adrian.

"Hi Lily," he said politely, flashing a smile.

"Hello, Adrian."

"Er, SO-" he cleared his throat slightly, "You know that you're one of the most intelligent and ambitious prefects. I bet you have a lot of great ideas. What would you think about maybe getting together and er- discussing some possible school activities sometime? You know.. just you and me? Alone?" he asked nervously.

Errrrrrrrrr-

Lily had never really thought of him that way. He was definitely handsome enough, so what was her problem? He had slightly wavy golden hair and clear blue eyes, not to mention a killer smile, but he just didn't seem her type. She usually went for the darker hair... and as for eyes, maybe something in between blue and brown. Hazel maybe...?

She looked across the library and saw a bespeckled boy of that description pretending not to listen to their conversation.

_Damn Potter! Stupid stupid Potter!_ she thought childishly.

Wait- exactly. Potter was stupid. Adrian was intelligent and charming.. and funny and good looking.. and-

_..just what i need to get Potter off my case..._

"Uh- well it sounds good," she told him, hoping that she sounded more enthusiastic than she felt.

"Great!" he exclaimed, " How about Saturday at Hogsmede?"

She agreed, then left to find Adelle and tell her the news. She found her alright- as soon as she stepped into the common room, she heard her angry voice.

"Stupid Arse!" Adelle's voice came.

Sirius stood in front of her, looking smug. "Ahh, well it may not be much of a thinker but i think it likes you!" he said, turning around and wiggling his butt at her.

"Oh God Sirius! Put it away! You are the stupidest, ugliest, most annoying Jackass that i have ever had the displeasure to meet. You think you're God's gift to women, don't you? Well guess what? You aren't! I bet even your own mother never loved you!" she finished.

Immediately, the color drained from his face, and his expression turned from smirk to death glare in .0253 seconds flat. He advanced on her, looking ready to kill, but she stood her ground.

"You don't know shit about my family, alright?" he said fiercely, their faces practically touching and both of them glaring at each other. After sending her the ugliest look he could muster, he turned on heel and stormed up the stairs to his dorm.

Lily walked over to her friend. "What was that all about?" she asked her shocked-looking friend.

"I dont know... but I've never seen him really angry before. Especially at me." She looked almost ready to cry. "Um- well, I'll see you upstairs." She quickly dissapeared from sight.

Lily sighed and grabbed her bag, figuring that she should get started on her homework. She noticed James staring at her as she began to walk towards her favorite cluster of seats by the fire, where he was also seated. She sat down a few seats away from him and he scrambled to look busy, grabbing the first magazine within reach. It was a Witch Weekly, and the cover read, "Is your guy losing interest? 10 tips on how to spice it up!"

Unable to resist, Lily laughed a little. "You and Black already having issues, Potter?"

His cheeks flushed a little, but he kept his cool. "Nah, just getting an inside look at what to expect from my date with Jillian Loxly this Saturday at Hogsmede."

Lily felt her heart drop a little. _Well he was just jealous that I had a date first, _she thought. Then she laughed, realizing who he was referring to. Jillian was easily one of the stupidest girls at Hogwarts. She had a reputation for low grades and low-cut tops. For Short skirts and an even shorter attention span. For high heels and a high percentage of classes repeated. Err- anyway...

"Ha! Good luck with that. Lets see if she can actually find her way down to the Great Hall tomorrow. Or she might forget about Hogsmede all together and show up at her classes, waiting there the entire day and swearing up and down that everyone in the school is just late except for her. Have fun with that." She patted him on the shoulder.

"Well-" he sputtered for a response, "that was just two times! You're just jealous because she's hot."

"No, no- By all means Potter, she's just your type." She glared at him and gathered her things to go back to her room.

"Don't judge me!"

After a wonderful rest of the week, Lily was really excited about her date with Adrian!... Or so she told herself.. eh, lets start that again.

After a stressful rest of the week, Lily was more willing to go ask Potter for a quick shag than to go out with Adrian. He had been talking to her all week, following her around rather like a lost puppy. She even thought he might pee a little whenever he was nervous like a puppy, as well.

And worst of all- he wanted to take her to Madame Puddifoot's. Lily gagged at the thought.

The walk to Hogsmede was relatively quiet and incredibly awkward, for Lily atleast. Adrian seemed to be having a fine time indeed. After talking him out of going to Madame Puddifoot's, they began to head towards the Three Broomsticks.

As they entered the bar, Lily was either horrified or extremely relieved (she couldn't quite tell) to see a handsome man with a messy black shock of hair and a pair of dreamy hazel eyes... _OR SO ALL THOSE GIRLS SAY, _Lily corrected herself.

Unfortunately, the only empty table was next to James. Lily noted with pleasure that he seemed to be completely alone.

When James looked over and noticed her, he grimaced slightly, knowing what was heading his way.

"Where's your bimbo, Potter? Lily asked in an amused voice.

James sighed. "She walked into a door."

Lily burst out laughing. "HA ha ha- I bet the door was closed too..." she joked.

He made a face and sighed again.

"...She walked into a _closed_ door??..."

Silence.

"Ha ha ha ha!"

Adrian, not pleased with their exchange, put a possessive arm around Lily, who in turn wrinkled up her nose in disgust. James noticed that she seemed to be having a horrible time.

After a few awkward minutes of strained conversation, Adrian excused himself to go to the bathroom. James stood slightly, pointing his wand in Adrian's general direction and muttering a few words.

All of a sudden- BAM!

Adrian had walked straight into the door.

James grabbed Lily's hand and they booked it, not stopping until the were far away from the Three Broomsticks, in a remote area by the Shrieking Shack.

The both looked at each other, then immediately collapsed to the ground in exhaustion and in fits of laughter.

"Atleast you can laugh at yourself," she told him after she had regained her composure. "Thanks for saving me, by the way. He is utterly repulsive. I do feel kind of bad thought."

"Don't. He'll have a couple of giggling dragging him up to the hospital wing and nursing him back to health in no time."

He rolled over until he was leaning on one arm very close to her, his face hovering over hers. She looked so beautiful with her vivid hair splayed out over the leaves.  
"I really was kind of relieved when Jillian couldn't make it. I only asked her to make you jealous," he admitted.

"Yeah, and to get a good shag out of it..."

"Do you really believe every rumor you hear?" he asked her, looking slightly put-out.

"Well-I"

"Yeah well they aren't all true."

She flushed a bit. "I'm sorry."

"Forget about it. I know what kind of a reputation I have. Girls just love to make up lies about our "nights of passion in the astronomy tower." But none of it's true. In fact, if i tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell?" he asked.

She tried to seem nonchalant about it, but nodded her head eagerly.

"I'm a virgin."

Her mouth dropped open. Sex God Potter? It couldn't be true...

"And i certainly don't run off and snog a new girl in a broom closet every day."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Unexpected, eh?"

"A little."

"So... now that this has been thoroughly awkward, I say we head on back to the castle," he suggested.

"Sure."

"No one moved for a minute."

"Potter, in order for me to walk, you're going to need to get off of me," she told him.

"Right," he said, smiling slightly.

"... Seriously, I'm kind of pinned."

"Uh huh."

"...Potter?"

"Yeah?"

_Slap!_

"Ouch! What was that for?" he asked, jumping to his feet.

"Oh come on! I didn't even hit you that hard."

"There I was, admiring your beauty and thinking what an amazing person you are, and what do you do? You slap me! See if I ever do that again!" he exclaimed.

"Alright." She started walking away.

"Lily! Wait, I didn't mean it. You're Soooooo beautiful! How can you be OK with this? Lily my love!"

Monday at breakfast, Adrian strode arrogantly over to her. She was delighted to see a purple bruise spread across his handsome face.

"Hello Lily. So sorry about Saturday. I've got no idea what happened. Woke up in the hospital wing. Anyway, think we could reschedule?"

"Ehh-"

Potter's voice interrupted, "Hey Lily."

"Oh hello James," she said, thankful for the distraction.

"May I walk you to class?" he asked with a meaningful look towards Adrian.

"Oh- yes, of course. So sorry Adrian, we'll talk later!" she said cheerfully.

They linked arms and headed out of the hall into the corridor. Once out of sight, Lily yanked her arm away from him.

"Thanks. But don't get any funny ideas about doing that for real," she said.

He held both of his arms up in the air. "Point taken."

Meanwhile, at the breakfast table, Remus, Courtney, Adelle, and Sirius were left, chuckling at the display. Adelle and Sirius quickly resumed their stony faces and glaring, while Remus and Courtney rolled their eyes before delving into the topic of Transfiguration.

The other two sat in a hostile silence for a few seconds.

"You know Sirius," she spat his name like it was poison, "If you just told me what this was all about, it would make my day a whole helluva lot easier. I actually enjoy our banter from time to time," she told him.

Sirius' expression softened slightly then turned into a smirk.

"I'll tell you. But since this is such a deeply upsetting and emotionally draining matter for me, I shall need some type of compensation," he said smugly.

Addie glared, but her curiosity got the best of her. "And what is that, Black?"

"A kiss."

"No way!"

"Fine... I'll just keep all of this bottled up. They say it's unhealthy, you know. I'll probably sink slowly into a deep depression and witty banter will no longer be on my list of priorities. I'll live out the rest of my days as an empty shell- a mere imprint of what i used to be-" he continued dramatically.

"Fine!" she interrupted.

"Spiffy. And now for the terms of the kiss. It must exceed 7 seconds but there is no limit to how long it can continue. It must be returned willingly and no baby kisses count. Open mouth or nothing." He said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"You are one hell of a sick bastard, Black. But you have yourself a deal," she said reluctantly.

He cheered.

"Meet me in the common room after dinner tonight, alright love?"

She sighed. "Yeah yeah..." she allowed as she gathered her belongings to go.

After Adelle had returned to the dorm to get her books, Remus and Courtney sat in a companionable silence for a while.

"So how about another tutoring session for Transfiguration? I'm still having trouble with the partial human transfiguration," she told him.

"Sure, when?"

"How about Friday?" she asked hopefully.

Friday was a full moon.

"Uhm, well no. See... I'm.. visiting my mother that day," he stuttered.

"Uh, alright then, what about Saturday then?"

He would be in no shape for tutoring the day after his transformation.

"Uhh- well I think.. I- already have plans with James. Yes that's it," he lied.

"Ok fine. I can take a hint. I can tell when a guy is just making up sad excuses," she said cooly. She abruptly stood up and swept out of the Great Hall before Remus could stop her.

_My "furry little problem" is seeming less little every day,_ he thought as he banged his head repeatedly against the table.

A/N- So, that seemed like a long one to type. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.

Still looking for any funny ideas! Just Review pretty please and I'll be more encouraged to update!

P.S. I didn't really edit it so much becuase I just wanted to get it up.


	5. Excuse my French

A/n: So I've been having some issues lately so that's why this update wasn't so fast. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! It made me want to write more… Anyway I hope you enjoy it. Unedited as always…

* * *

The rest of that day was rather awkward. Courtney and Remus were not speaking to each other, and Adelle kept sending Sirius reproachful looks, who in turn, blew her kisses.

"Hey Lily," Sirius said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the six of them as they sat in the Library during a break, "When the sunlight hits your hair, it looks like its on fire."

Lily waited for more but apparently there was none. "Err- Thanks Sirius. I appreciate it?"

He grinned. "Any time."

Lily turned back to her book, but a moment later, she felt a strong tingling sensation.

"Lily, your head's on fire!" someone shouted.

Lily screamed and ran around for a second before coming to her senses and dousing her hair with a jet of water from her wand. Silence. She surveyed the damage. The tips of her hair were a bit charred and there was a horrible stench of burning hair in the air, but she was relieved to find that her precious red mop was indeed still there.

After confirming that she would be ok, she slowly turned to James and Sirius.

"Who?"

Each pointed at the other.

"Alright then. You'll both be stuck with the consequences then." She smirked as the two boys ran out of the library. She stalked off towards Charms class. The others followed shortly after.

James and Sirius hid for about five minutes, but then realized that that had to go to Charms. Reluctantly, they entered the classroom and were horrified to see that the only open seats were by Lily.

They sat down and scooted as far away from her as they possibly could. Little Professor Flitwick stood up.

"Class! Attention please. As usual, you will be working in groups today. The other two people at your table will be your partners.

"Shit," James swore. Lily glared. "Err- excuse my French."

Sirius let out a frustrated sigh. "_Why _do people insist on saying that? I mean, shouldn't they at least be actually swearing in French when they say that? That would be so cool…"

James looked thoughtful. "How true. How do you swear in French?"

"Uh duuuh- you just add a 'Le' to the beginning of everything. Am I the only one who knows that?"

Professor Flitwick tried to gain the attention of the class once more. "Class! Please, your attention… Now today, we will be reviewing shrinking spells. One person will hold an object and the other will have to shrink it. Now get started."

Lily's eyes lit up with a sudden opportunity. She knew just what she would be aiming for…

"Le shit"

"You know Prongs, if I wasn't about to wet my pants in fear right now, I'd congratulate you on your excellent use of French," Sirius said, while staring straight ahead unblinkingly.

"Well thanks, Padfoot. I do try."

"Well maybe next time, you can put a bit of an accent with it. Add a little twist you know?"

"Yeah, that'd be cool. Maybe we could look up-"

"EXCUSE ME!" Lily yelled, "I hate to interrupt your little conversation but I have some shrinking to do!" She first turned to Sirius, who closed his eyes in fear.

"One, two, three!"

James winced, knowing what was happening to his friend's… little friend.

"Erm, Professor-" came a girly, high-pitched voice, "May I be excused to the hospital wing please?"

Flitwick, automatically knowing, exclaimed, "Oh yes! Go right ahead Mr. Black."

Sirius got up and walked out of the room, clearly not used to the absence of his- parts. In fact, he walked rather like a girls, his hips swaying flirtatiously.

James let out a wolf-whistle and laughed- until he realized that he could be next. He stopped abruptly. Lily stood there with her arms crossed and glared. All of the color drained from his face.

He began stuttering, "N-Now, Lily darling, don't be rash. Just l-listen for a second. It was Sirius who did it, not me. R-remember? He was talking about your hair before… it. I tried to stop him-"

Lily sighed and lowered her wand, taking pity on the stuttering fool. "I'll spare you for now, Potter. But you'd better make it up to me."

"How about a kiss? That'd cheer any girl up!" he said arrogantly.

Lily rolled her eyes, "I said make it up to me, not make me throw up."

"Fair enough." James shrugged and smiled.

"You can start by carrying my books for me all day long."

He sighed a sigh of relief. "Anything for my Lily Flower."

"You may also do various favors for me whenever I require it"

"Your wish is my command."

Lily smiled and flounced happily out of the classroom.

_

* * *

_

Addie tapped her foot impatiently as she stood in the common room, looking at her watch. Lily walked by, on her way to the library.

"Wow- don't you look nice!" she exclaimed.

"No, I don't thank you very much."

"Oh come on. I can tell when you've put a little extra effort into your appearance. You look amazing."

"No I didn't and no I don't."

Her dark hair hung in tousled waves down her back and her piercing eyes seemed to stand out more than usual. She was wearing a blue empire-waist shirt with a pair of dark blue jeans and white Chuck-Taylors.

"Why would I want to be dressed up?" she scoffed.

Unfortunately for her, Sirius chose that exact moment to enter the common room.

"Addie, darling! Are you ready to go?" He smiled.

Lily smirked.

"Yeah yeah," she said grudgingly, accepting his extended arm.

He led her out to a tree beneath the lake and sat down, motioning for her to do the same.

"So, what's this all about Black?" she asked rather impatiently.

He sighed. "It's just my stupid family. They're a little pureblood crazy. They think Voldermort's got the right idea. Anyway, I've always been a bit of a disgrace to the family, ever since I got sorted into Gryffindor. I've never really been respected but it's gotten worse since that. I just got a letter from my dearest mum telling me that either I become a death eater or I'm disowned. I need to prove my loyalty more than anyone else apparently. I really could care less though. My uncle's left me a bit of money."

She just stared at him for a while, waiting for him to say, 'Just kidding!' but it never came. She had never seen care-free Sirius so serious or lonely looking.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know when I made that comment about your mum."

"Yeah well, life goes on eh? I just kind of wish I had a real family sometimes. Feel loved you know?"

Addie didn't really know what to say, so settled for a few moments of silence. After a while she told him, "We can be your family."

She instantly cringed. So overly-sentimental… so not her. Oh well, anything to make him feel better right?

Sirius laughed and made a face. "I'd rather you not."

Adelle was confused. "Why?"

"Because if you were my sister, I couldn't do this-"

He leaned forward and brought his hand up to her cheek.

"It's only part of our deal, Black."

"We'll see."

He gently brought his lips to hers in what she thought was a very un-Sirius like fashion. She immediately responded, melting into his arms and kissing him back…

_Only because I have to, of course…_ she thought vaguely.

She would have liked to say that she counted exactly 7 seconds then pushed the brute off of her, striding confidently back to the castle and leaving him all alone in the grass. She would have liked to say that Sirius was a horrid kisser and that she felt absolutely nothing. She would have liked to be able to tell herself that it was only part of the deal.

But as she sat there, and 7 seconds became much longer, she knew it was more than that. She deepened the kiss and he, taking his cue, responded eagerly, slowly leaning her down into the soft grass. She ran her fingers through his silky, deep-conditioned hair, and his hands explored her back, finding that little bit of skin that exposed where her shirt was slightly pulled up. She felt butterflies erupt from her stomach and then remembered what she was doing- kissing Sirius Black.

She instantly pulled away, and they both stared at each other, shocked.

"Um- I have to go?" She squeaked. _Squeaked. Simply Peachy. I'm one of those girls who squeaks now,_ she thought and she threw him off of her.

He watched her run off into the night and sighed as he touched his lips. He threw himself back onto the grass and let out a loud whoop of joy.

Adelle heard the whoop and smiled to herself slightly as she entered the castle.

* * *

A/N: So yeah, not much Lily/James stuff but that's for 7th year. Speaking of that, I need help.

Would you guys rather me just skim through the rest of 6th year and get onto 7th or drag out the story even more?

My original intent was to not spend too much time on 6th because Lily and James don't get together until 7th.

So what do you guys want?

Ideas are welcome. And reviews make encourage me to update!


	6. Lily loves Jarnsettfe

* * *

AN: Read on, ye merry hippogriffs!

* * *

"Sirius Black! If you don't get those slobbery noodles that you call lips away from me this instant, I'm going to kick you. Hard."

Sirius pouted. "I don't see what your problem is, Addie-poo. You can't just kiss someone like that and never do it again."

"And that is where you're wrong, Black. For you, it might have been something special, but for me it was nothing. Less than nothing, actually. It was like kissing a dead fish. And while I… respect your situation more now, that doesn't mean- HEY! I see you inching closer… stop inching! Get those disgusting flobberworm lips away from me!"

She pushed him back hard and his chair tipped backwards. Of course, this being a teenage romance story, he grabbed her arm in a desperate attempt to steady himself and she fell onto the floor, right on top of him.

He smirked. "Knew you'd come around, love." He smoothly exchanged their positions so that he was looking down on her. "Brings back lovely memories, eh?" She let out a frustrated breath and tried to push him away.

"Black, get your fat arse off of me right now!"

"Whatever did my arse do to you? First you call it stupid, now you call it fat. I can't for the life of me figure out why you harbor such hatred towards something so- so… perfect."

She temporarily stopped her squirming. "You really are an idiot."

"Yeeeesss… But you enjoyed that kiss. Admit it. When you do, I'll let you up. If you won't, then I'll stay right on top of you while proclaiming to the world that we had a lovely little snog session down by the lake."

"I won't"

"Admit it, admit it, admit it," he sang to her, "Admit your lust. You luuurve me. Admit it. Do it. Now."

"No."

"Ehhh- wrong answer." He yelled, "Hey world, guess what Adelle and-"

She clapped a hand over his mouth. "Don't you dare."

"Admit it."

She sighed. "Fine, it wasn't the worst. Happy?"

He smiled. "Somewhat."

"But I'm never doing it again. It meant nothing, OK?"

"We'll see about that. Anytime you want something from me, you're going to have to give me… something in return."

She glared at him and gave him one last enormous shove, sending him toppling onto the stone floor. Then she kicked him and sauntered out of the room.

* * *

"You know, I just don't understand why Lily isn't in love with me."

Remus glanced up from his book as they sat at the breakfast table. "Well now, call me crazy here, but she could dislike your immature behavior, complete and utter disrespect for the rules, or your ignorance to excellent literature. Or your lack of steady work habits. Or your conceited attitude. Or your inability to commit to anything except stalking her. Or your messy hair or fat calves."

"Uhm. Excuse me," James yelled, "Fat calves?? I do not have fat calves."

Remus shrugged. "Not as firm and muscular as they used to be. You lack tone, Prongs."

James moodily threw the donut that he was holding to the floor and continued. "...Anyway, I get the point. It's just that I freeze up whenever I'm around her and I have to resort to acting like a stupid, immature prat because I don't know what else to do."

"Tell her that. Write her a letter," Remus said simply as he turned back to his book.

"Aha! Another brilliant idea by James Potter. I'll write her a letter!"

Remus stared at him and just blinked.

"Ok well I was already thinking it. You just said it," James said. "I'll give you partial credit on that one. Well I've got to be off, Mooney. Thanks for your partial kind-of maybe advice. Not that I needed it." And with that, he picked up his fallen donut ("My precious") and rushed out of the great hall.

* * *

Sirius and James were sitting beneath the sacred and almighty tree by the lake. James had in front of him a piece of blank parchment and a quill poised unmoving in his hand.

"So I want to sound sensitive, right?"

"Yeah, make it all mawkish and sentimental. Just don't be gay about it."

"Right." He began to write, "My dearest Lily." He stopped and sighed. "How do I tell her that she's the most beautiful and amazing girl I've ever met? And that she makes my heart beat so fast that I'm pretty sure the whole world can hear it. And that she makes me want to be a better person?" James looked lost.



Sirius thought for a second. "Ok, I've got it. Write this: Dear Lily, you have great boobs and they make me want to be a better person. You turn me on when you talk. Also, you're kind of beautiful. P.S. I like you a lot." He smiled, rather pleased with himself.

"Orrr- this." He began to write again:

"Every perfect rose I come across, every lovely Autumn day I see, ever stunning sunset I witness, only reminds me of your beauty and how I am unable to attain such a paragon of perfection. You are my reason for getting out of bed each morning; so that I might gaze upon your face at least once more. You are my reason for going to sleep every night; so that I can dream of you, for my dreams are the only place that we will ever be together. No man deserves you, least of all myself. Your beauty haunts my sleep and my every waking moment. If anything ever happened to you, I know that my existence on this earth would be pointless. Many men will try to win your heart, but take this letter into consideration: my pathetic attempt at letting you know how much a care for you, though it would be truly impossible for you to understand the extent of my love."

Sirius whistled. "That is one beautiful bunch of bull-"

"I mean it."

"Oh well… you're whipped."

"Yeah."

"Urm, well you should probably sign it now."

James re-inked his quill and concentrated very hard on making his signature look sophisticated. "Uhh Prong? Who the hell is Jarnsettfe?"

"What? That says James!"

"No, it doesn't. Look: J-A-R-N-S-E-T-T-F-E. Jarnsettfe. It's pretty clear."

"You know what? It's just too sophisticated for you. It says James, and Lily will be able to read it because we are soul mates. S-O-O-L M-A-T-E-S."

"Um yes. You go mail that now OK?"

"Righto-"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The next morning, James waited anxiously for the post. He had made sure to sit directly across from Lily so he could see her reaction to his letter. He also reassured himself by having Remus and Sirius sit beside him for moral support.

A flutter of owls suddenly appeared at the ceiling of the Great Hall. Lily looked very puzzled as a large brown barn owl landed directly in front of her. James waited with bated breath as she broke the seal of the envelope. Remus and Sirius gave him significant looks.

As Lily read, her face flushed a dark pink and her mouth formed a little "o." Adelle had been looking over her shoulder as she read, and she gasped. "That is so beautiful."

James beamed and looked to Lily. She looked up, straight across at James with a question in her eyes, but only briefly.

"Who the hell is Jarnsettfe?" Adelle questioned.

DAMN!

Sirius tried to laugh, but he began choking on his toast instead, coughing like a maniac.

"I've got no bloody idea, but this is the sweetest letter I've ever gotten," Lily told her. She still looked a bit flushed.

"Oooh! Maybe he's French, with a weird name like that!" Adelle gushed.

James was simply too shocked to say anything. After everyone had finished breakfast, Remus pulled James aside, looking puzzled.

"That was a nice move, James. Never thought you'd make it anonymous. Very Mature. I thought you'd want all the credit upfront."

"Oh- well, yes. That is just how I roll."

* * *

AN: I've got a lot more of the story written. It's been written for months, but I just stopped because I was discouraged by the lack of reviews. But I'm trying not to care so much what other people think anymore, and I'm just writing for my own amusement. Reviews are still welcomed, though.


	7. Of sexual tension and baby corn

Attention, good people. I need a BETA. And I'm not quite sure how to get one with the thing on the site.. I'm rather stupid when it comes to computers and following instructions. Also, I need someone to inspire me to keep writing. SO, just let me know if you're interested… My grammar usually isn't too bad, but I don't like reading back over what I wrote, which isn't a good thing.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Lily received letters from Jarnsettfe on a weekly basis. The letters always came to her at the end of the school week, which was usually enough to leave her sighing romantically in her room for hours every Friday. Although she loved the idea of the words, she couldn't ignore the feeling of betrayal inside of her. It was like she had an obligation was to someone else.

James wanted to tell her that he was the one who had been sending her the letters, but he didn't want to ruin things for her. She seemed so happy when she got the letters, but he knew that she wouldn't feel the same way if she knew that James had been the one writing them.

In order to make absolutely sure that Lily didn't know the identity of Jarnsettfe, James began acting out, orchestrating more and more pranks with the Marauders.

Soon, the weather began to change, and as students huddled together by fires to keep themselves warm, James was pondering ways to start his own fire-of looove…………………erm.

As was often his habit, James climbed to the top of a snowy hill to watch the sun set, but as he reached the top, he saw a glint of something red… FIRE?!

He began hurling snow blindly as fast as he could, and he only stopped when all signs of red had disappeared from view. A second later, Lily surfaced from the snow.

"Potter!!"

"Oh, hello Lily. You didn't happen to be on fire, did you?"

"No!"

"Ah well then I must have thought that your head was on fire again. That happens quite a lot."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"You poor dummy. So what are you doing up here?"

"Just reading." She sighed dreamily and held up her latest letter from Jarnsettfe. "He really is the most amazingly romantic guy I've ever met."

"Ahh," James 'Ahhed'. "The amazing Jarnsettfe. But how do you know you've met him?"

"Well I had to have met him at one point, don't you think?"

"I suppose…" James purposefully looked away. There was a slight pause.

"… You know something," she said slowly, squinting her eyes like she was trying to understand.



"What? How could-"

"Shut up. Yes you do. You just purposefully looked away."

"Pft- that? Well maybe...maybe the glare from your flaming head hurt my delicate eyes, and I could no longer stand the agony of looking at you. So I looked away."

"Potter. Now."

"Well since you asked so nicely. See, the thing about him is-"

BLAM!

He threw a pile of snow in her face and took off, sprinting as fast as his wee potter legs would take him. Finally, he stopped running, still laughing at the mental picture of Lily with snow in her face.

"What a dummy-ARGH-"

SECOND BLAM!

She tackled him from behind, then proceeded to shove powdery snow up his nose. When she finally stopped, they both just sat in silence for a second.

"James, you look rather like a coke whore." He wiped his nose and pouted. She elbowed him playfully. "Aww, you're no fun. Now we even. Will you tell me?"

"Maybe," he said with his bottom lip still sticking out.

"….Alright…."

"Nope."

"Oh come on now. What do I have to do to get you to tell me?"

"I cannot, under any circumstances, reveal his identity."

"Ok." She thought for a second. "Then can you just tell me something about him?"

"That I can do," he allowed. She instantly cheered. "For a price…." Her face fell.

"You're going to take a page out of Black's book, aren't you?"

"Hmm.. . Well let me check." He pulled a small black book from his pocket that had the title "Sirius Black's 33 Step Guide to Getting the Girl." After thumbing through the pages for a couple of seconds, he smiled and tore the page out. He handed said page to Lily.

"Damn. You are a sick, sick bastard, Potter."

"Yes, of course."

"Exchanging kisses for information, you slimy grease ball? It's sickening, but you have yourself a deal."

"Really?!"

"Yeah. A kiss is just a kiss, and it will prove once and for all that there is nothing between us."

"Yes ma'am. Super. Ok so he- WAIT! A kiss on the lips, right?"

She flinched. "Yes."

He let out a silly giggle and began. "Ok so, I suppose he's a rather decent wizard. And a few girls thing he's good looking… And he really is in love with you. He annoys his friends quite a lot with his constant Lily talk." He smiled and looked at her; she was smiling too. But it was a smile meant for another guy.

He immediately froze. "I- have to get out of here. I can't-"

He swiftly rose and sprinted away.

"Wait!" Lily yelled to the retreating figure, "What about the kiss?" Feeling inexplicably disappointed, she sighed as she watched the rest of the sun disappear behind the mountains.

* * *

Things were normal, yet still a bit strained, between Lily and James over the next couple of days. James had been engaging in one of his favorite activities, 'watching Lily read.' This was second only to 'watching Lily walk.' She looked up from her book and began gazing longingly out the window at the perfect blanket of snow that had settled over the grounds.

"Something wrong?" James questioned.

"No, not really. I just so want to go outside to see the snow. It's probably one of my favorite things in the whole world."

"Uhm- the why don't you?"

She held up her book. "Studying. I do wish I could though. You know what I've wanted more than nearly anything since I was little? An entire castle made of ice and snow. Not a huge one, but big enough for me to fit. I used to wish for that every Christmas. I'm always too busy, though. That sounds rather lame, doesn't it?"

"Eh. Yes." She made a shocked face and threw a pillow at him. "But I used to want an easy bake oven for Christmas. I'd say that is considerably more lame. My mom's friend who was a muggle used to have one. I tried to steal it so I hid it in my pants. I so would have gotten away with it, except cookies started falling out of my butt."

There was a moment of reflective silence.

"That's special, James."

"Quite. Hey! You called me James."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. You said 'That's special, James.'"

"No no no. I said 'That's special pain.'"

"_What _is special pain?"

She pinched him.

"You're mean."

"You poop cookies."

* * *

The Christmas Holidays rolled around, and Lily didn't feel up to dealing with Petunia, so she decided to stay at Hogwarts. Since Lily was staying, James was staying. Since James was staying, Courtney and Adelle decided to stay in order to protect Lily. Remus and Sirius just felt left out, so they decided to stay, as well. And so it was that the six of them were to stay at Hogwarts over the break. It had nothing to do with the immense attraction between Lily and James, Sirius and Adelle, and Remus and Courtney. No, no.

As there were so few students staying at the school, Dumbledore decided to have a bit of a party on Christmas Eve. The six of them, plus a couple of other cool kids, joined the teachers in the Great Hall at 8:00 for dinner.

They started off with a lavish 5-course meal, which was followed by wizard crackers. Dumbledore tugged on one, and out popped a variety of pins. One landed in front of Lily that said "Lily Potter." She gave James a death glare as he laughed along with the others, but in good spirit, she put it on for the rest of the night.

Shortly after, Dumbledore led Professor McGonagall to the middle of the room for a dance, and t ether teachers followed. Remus stood and offered his hand to Courtney, who accepted it with a sweet smile. Only the 4 stubborn teenagers were left sitting in an awkward silence.

"Hem hem. Lily, would you like to dance?" James asked in a deep voice?

"No."

"Oh I'm sorry. You misunderstood me. I said 'You look fat in those pants.'"

"….How original. Really. And I'm wearing a dress, booger face."

"Touché. And what a lovely dress it is. That emerald color is fabulous with your hair. And the fit; to die for! It hugs you in all the right places, and yet you don't look like a tramp. Well done, really. Oh! Is that silk?" he squealed.

"Now, James, I'm going to ask you something , and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. Are you gay?"

"No, but some people think so. Cause I've never had a girlfriend and I'm never interested when they point out a pretty girl or try to set me up."

"Why's that?"

"I guess you could say I have very specific taste."

Sirius cut in. "Very specific. He likes dark red hair, green eyes, about 5'5", wonderfully gifted, beautiful, and fiery. They must also look stunning in a close-fitting emerald dress and must have a name that starts with an 'L' and ends with a 'y.'"

"Loopy Lovegood then?" Lily questioned. "He does wear some pretty fantastic cocktail dresses."

"He does look rather fantastic doesn't he?" Sirius said as they all looked across the room at Loopy.

"Well," Lily said as she got to her feet, "As much as I would love to sit here and listen to Sirius fawn over Loopy Lovegood, I think I'll accept that dance now, Potter, on account of I'm getting really weirded out."

James smiled and jumped to his feet. "Excellent."

He led her out to the dance floor, and the two danced for a moment in silence.

"You really do look stunning in that dress, you know."

She blushed a bit and looked down. "Thank you."

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"Yes, of course. I'm just a little warm. Why?"

"You've just been looking a bit sad. For the past couple of weeks, actually.

"Oh, yes. That," she said, looking down again. "Just confused."

"Jarnsettfe?"

She nodded.

"Let me guess. Since you don't know who is writing the letters, you don't know who to direct your feelings towards, or even if it is a good idea, because you could turn out to love someone that you would never have loved had it not been for the letters. Also,this is a wild guess here but I suppose it would be pretty bad if you previously had some interest in someone else. Now you think it's impossible that he wrote the letters, so you're completely torn, and you're trying not to invest too much heart in the letters or in the person. You don't know what to do, so you're trying to give up on the person you previously liked because he couldn't possibly be as romantic or as perfect as Jarnsettfe," James finished, thinking that the person she had previously like was Aidan.

"Uh- yeah. That about sums it up," she said, rather shocked at his insightfulness. She gave him a strange look.

"What?" he asked, "You don't think I'm completely daft all the time, do you?"

She just continued to stare.

"No one is as perfect in real life as they are on paper, Lily. You have to realize that," he said, trying to make her think of him this time, not Aidan. "In person, when you're with the one you love, you can't always think of the right thing to say because you're too worried about remembering not to look stupid, right?"

"I think I may have misjudged you, James."

They had gradually stopped moving, and were just starting into the other's eyes as if they were looking for some sort of explanation for what was happening between them.

All of a sudden, they heard a wolf whistle and both of their heads jerked towards its source. The music had stopped. and it was silent except for someone's awkward cough. All eyes were on the Lily and James, who were still holding eachother. They immediately jumped away. Still no noise.

"Sexual tension's a bitch, ain't it?" Sirius' voice echoed through the hall. "Alright, back to your business, people," he said shooing them away. Gradually, people dispersed and started murmuring and laughing.

Lily walked to the side and sat down, dizzy with confusion and embarrassment. The truth was, it was James that she had liked before she had even started receiving the letters. She supposed she had always liked him, but he'd been different lately. Better. And he had guessed spot-on. She was torn between James and Jarnsettfe.

She glanced over at him. He had two pieces of baby corn up his nose and was pretending to be a walrus with Sirius.

"Mature," she mumbled. She had to tell herself something to get her mind off of how handsome he looked in his dress robes.

He looked over at her and the baby corn fell out of his nose. He gave a sheepish grin, and she couldn't help but laugh. He stood up and offered her his arm. "May I escort you back to your room?"

She laughed. "You may."



* * *

After a long walk filled with witty conversation and freakishly accurate impersonations of Filch, the pair finally arrived at the staircase that led up to Lily's dorm.

"Well, thank you, James. I had a surprisingly good time tonight."

"As did I."

"Goodnight. Happy almost-Christmas," she said, leaning in and kissing him tenderly on the cheek. She turned without another word and started up the stairs.

"Wait!" he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back towards him.

"James, don't ruin it. I owed you that one," she said, smiling.

He had the strongest urge to lean in and kiss her and hold her all night long; to tell her he loved her-

"Uh, Happy Christmas, Lily."

She nodded slightly and retreated up the stairs.

"Hey!" he yelled after her, "That was supposed to be a kiss on the-"

The door slammed.

"…lips."

* * *

James (rather violently) threw himself onto his four-poster and touched his flaming cheek, wishing she had felt what he had.

...

Lily sank onto her bed and screamed into her pillow before softly touching her now tingling lips.

...

They both sighed.

* * *

AN: Ahh I got a bit mushy at the end, but I can't be completely random ALL the time.

BETAS: in case you didn't read the top, I need one of you. Cause I hate reading over my work. I don't know how to use the thing on fanfiction, and I would rather have someone who is already reading the story.

It would keep me motivated! Look how freaking long this chapter is. And only two days after the last one.



And I lied about not wanting reviews. I rather do now. So click the little button, and I will do something special for you. I don't know what. But I will surely think of something.


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